He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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