i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize