So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
