I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
