so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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