true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
