Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
