Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
