she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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