I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Drunk is a universal language darling
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