when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
