Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
