Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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