Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
