He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
