I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
