i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
