i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
