watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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