so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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