I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
