i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
