why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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