so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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