I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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