"it" just moved
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
