Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
