respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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