She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
