I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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