:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
