So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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