dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
