Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't deserve a penis
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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