So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
