Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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