i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
