I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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