you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
