I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
