At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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