I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
