They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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