i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
