If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
