I faked an abortion last night.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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