i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
