T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
