There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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