Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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