1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
