He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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