I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
