Small penises have feelings too.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
