you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
