hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
