Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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