The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
