How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize