Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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