I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
