Me. At least after what I've been through.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
