It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
