is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
