maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
