i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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