sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
