I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
