I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
