Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
