god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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