Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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