If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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