I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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