I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize