Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
