I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
