Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
