I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
