I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
