just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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