I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
