Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
