I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
