hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
