Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
