Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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