i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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